I have tried most of my life to keep from being disappointed.
Well, today I actually said a few things out loud that surprised me. That made me realize again how much You are healing and calming me.
Because,
1.) I was disappointed. I didn’t get a volunteer position I had applied for (related to my job). It didn’t mean money, but it did mean professional growth (and with that, some prestige).
2.) I felt disappointed, but wasn’t afraid of it (usually, I’m terrified, and aim for a sort of defensive matter-of-fact acknowledgement, followed by many different forms of distance). I wanted justification, so I alternated between pity, anger, frustration, fear, sadness, trust, and acceptance. But I was feeling.
3.) I repented. From pride (fear of what other’s thought/would think of my rejection). From pity. From control. To trust, rest.
4.) I vocalized my disappointment. And my repentance. But I was sad, and I said so. And I said I wouldn’t stay here, but I let someone know I was there in the first place.
I am free to be disappointed.
What a relief.
